Blood Pressure Blog

The 2022 NFL season has been exhausting… as a fan. Here we stand at the cusp of Week 16 having experienced all 7 stages purgatory, weathering a storm of freezing cold takes such as The Saints are an NFC Darkhorse and Trey Lance is a good quarterback. Instead, we experienced the cum-back of DeSean Watson, Jalen Hurts’ ascension to NFC East overlord, and a Bill Belichick’s slow dip into insanity.

It’s been a bad year for head coaches. Those we thought were on the hot seat last year didn’t lose their jobs while continuing to front trash, soul sucking teams. To quote George Bush – “There’s an old saying in Tennessee that says, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again”, candidate for lowest brain-matter person of the year Mike McCarthy and others somehow gave us the second worst trade deal of the year in the US when they somehow kept their jobs and continued to coach uninspiring dogshit football. It’s safe to say, never talk about another man’s job, but these are some head coaches that I want gone from the NFL.

Kliff Kingsbury

Kliff was always too hot to be in the NFL. Even in his tenure at Texas Tech, he probably led Lubbock in searches for hot new singles in your area. The Kingsbury era was one literally led by tribulations and not really any trials, considering his house giving off the vibes of a rich dirtbag that survives on a diet of cocaine and aspirin. Frankly if I had to deal with Kyler Murray’s Thank You for Your Service nonsense 24/7, I think anybody would turn to substance abuse.

Remember when the Cardinals started off the 2021 season like 6-0, and then got bounced out from the playoffs against the Rams? The brain does wonders to block out worthless memories. Really the final kiss of death was HBO deciding on an in-season Hard Knocks, one that would probably do numbers considering the number of times that Kliff looks in the camera and by focusing on a wide receiver that somehow beats out the head coach in number of drugs used.

Mike McCarthy

I’m only speaking of the inevitable here. The Cowboys will eventually meet their maker in Tom Brady in the wild card round – never having lost to Dallas. This will effectively be a carbon copy of the season from last year – one huge win where the Cowboys look like world beaters, and then get completely bodied in the playoffs as McCarthy disconnects from the server at a critical moment in the 4^th quarter.

Let’s paint a visual. It’s January in Philly. It’s 20 degrees on Sunday Night. We’re at the NFC Championship game. The Linc is packed with 70 thousand drunk, angry, cold Eagles fans. 21-17 Eagles on top of the Cowboys in the 4^th quarter with 2 minutes remaining. Nick Sirianni puts Mike McCarthy in a mental blender, forcing Dak to spike on 4^th down, sending the Eagles to the Superbowl. I’ve rehearsed this sequence of events a million times in my head. Mike McCarthy is like a 6-year-old child that eats his ice cream too fast and gets brain freeze. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, you can’t hire a coach that’s fat AND stupid. Mike McCarthy unfortunately fits that bill to perfection. Cowboys fans have seen this movie before, and I’ll guarantee they’ll see it again.

Dennis Allen

There’s no way to sugarcoat this, Dennis Allen is a football terrorist. I’m potentially the biggest supporter of Jameis Winston. So, when it emerged that he broke his back in like week one of the season, it was truly a blow to the future hall-of-famer’s career. However, fast forward like 4 months, and Jameis is doing fine (we think) and Andy fucking Dalton is the starting QB of the New Orleans Saints who’s literally just Drew Brees if he actually liked his daughter. Verbal Meme – corporate wants you to spot the difference between Andy Dalton and Drew Brees.

Why can’t America and the NFL community have fun with the New Orleans Saints. Why can’t we see Jameis Winston slinging the ball 50-yards down field to the ghost of Michael Thomas. Why are we robbed from watching Jameis throw interceptions while hilariously dragging 4 defenders down with him. Let’s not forget that Jameis underwent Lasik, so he can’t be as bad as we all think. However, let me even say for Saints fans, this is certainly an era of Saints football that is over as quick as possible, and changing the head coach will certainly pay dividends.