Blood Pressure Blog

It’s been a while since I’ve commented on random internet citizens’ relationship problems in the valiant attempt to prove that true love isn’t dead. The last time was on some dude’s obsession with going to Waffle House and getting into fights with the short order chef. While today’s review isn’t nearly as violent, it’s apparent just by the title of this one that imposter syndrome is the number one cause of relationship problems people with relationship problems. Let’s take a read –  

Our relationship is practically perfect. We’re soul mates in every sense of the word, we’ve been together for a while now, discussing living together. But there’s this one small thing that drives a wedge between us – my boyfriend just wants to be British, I guess?

It never ceases to amaze that all these posts start with something along the lines of each one of – ‘oh my SO is an awesome person, BUT…’as if they’re compensating for something super hard. Frankly the thing that comes after the ‘BUT’ could be something completely crazy – ‘my girlfriend is super sweet, but something she throws knives at me’. Just an example.  

It’s been going on for so long now and it’s getting annoying to an alarming degree. He went to the UK one time and never stops talking about pork pies and how all grocery stores are gross compared to Marks&Spencer (I thought it was a clothes store only??). He only makes Nigella Lawson recipes and looks down on my “americanized” versions of sausage. He’s weirdly racist against Irish people and passes it off as a joke most of the time though.

This guy sounds like every college student who studied abroad once and become his entire personality. Frankly, some people go on study abroad just to have something interesting to talk about, and making references to Britain might be a method for making meaningful conversation. However, it’s obvious this entire act is clickbait – Marks and Spencer is a clothing store in the UK and if they started selling groceries that’s the sign that the supply chain is absolutely fucked. Making Nigella Lawson recipes is like throwing up middle fingers to the entire food pyramid or food plate of food pentagram or whatever they teach kids in school these days. It still alarms me how little Europeans eat vegetables and have a diet comprised of carbs, meats, and beer, yet still manage to live longer than Americans. BF is clearly playing culinary 3D chess to just live longer than his girlfriend. However, being racist is not ok, so I hope this dude kicks the can.

Every time he sees a mention of a British thing, “Co.uk” on a website or reads the word “blimey” he starts reading it in British, although his accent is normally a version of a generic ESL speak, just like mine. Like I know it seems very small and a stupid thing to get mad at, but it’s just so weird and “posh” and whatever. I feel awkward when it happens and especially in front of my parents. As an answer to this I started casually mentioning the “bri’ish people aren’t real” memes and he actually stopped talking to me because he thinks I’m ridiculous and he’s not doing anything strange.

Putting on a random British accent isn’t the dumbest thing in the world. It’s a good party trick if pulled off correctly, makes you seem ‘posh’. I’m sure that the world gets most of its American stereotypes from social media, so distancing yourself from that might be a glitch in matrix. Another motive could be that BF watched one too many seasons of Peaky Blinders – little does he know that ye olde Britain was a horrible place to live. The ESL part is also interesting, indicating that he natively speaks a different language other than English. Putting on a fake British accent when you can’t even get English down is like skipping to Rainbow Road on day 1 when you can’t even master Mario circuit.  

I love him so much and I don’t want this to be an issue at all, but it is. How do I go about telling him to stop doing this??

If I were the GF, I would NEVER TAKE HIM BACK TO THE UK EVER. If he meets an actual British girl, BF wouldn’t waste an instant trying to study her British-ness and siphon some off for himself. A solution to this is probably something along the lines of immersion therapy –like exposing someone that’s afraid of snakes, to a bunch of snakes. Though I believe BF is not scared of Americans, GF needs to show him that America is a fantastic place – maybe take him to Times Square, make him watch Seinfeld, dine him to Olive Garden, introduce him to Guy Fieri – typical top of the pyramid American things.

As a dude, we have simple lizard brains that just want to impress girls.  It’s no secret that girls love foreign, dark, mysterious dudes, and this falls directly into such vein of thought process. Maybe this isn’t a question of BF being weird, but GF being super picky and uncultured. Frankly if I were the dude, I’d play that card every single time. People like to project their own weaknesses and shortcomings on others, any GF might be a poorly traveled individual who is jealous of BF.