Week 13 Power Rankings

The response to Jared Goff’s GF

Writer’s note: Next week will not be a power ranking, but instead will be playoff predictions for all matchups.

1. 2 Girls 1 Kupp (12-1)

Owner – Satwik Nandala, Vivaan Patel

Last Week – #1

The best team in the league has won the weekly scoring title in 6/13 weeks currently – nearly 50%. This week was no different, actively hunting for revenge avenging their singular loss by thrashing Vikas’ team and playoff hopes. A true embarrassment of rushes stems from the roster construction, avoiding major setbacks throughout the season and maintaining top-10 talent at nearly all positions. Though the bench is a slight headscratcher, no cases should arise to start Tyrod Taylor over Kyler Murray. The clear championship contender will continue to commit atrocities on the league against Ayush’s struggling team.

Award – Top Score of the Week

2. Waddle House (7-6)

Owner – Nikhil Ramesh

Last Week – #2

To quote from last week – Ramesh will likely be extending his streak to 4 games in week 13 of the season in the annual Rivalry week edition of the Nikhil Bowl, one that Ramesh has dominated historically. Uhhhhh, oops. Ramesh indeed did not continue his domination over Ramanan, as the opponent fought and scratched to stay alive in the playoffs picture. Unfortunately, Ramesh simply got beat by a better team playing a better week with a bit of better luck. Five double digit performances, 5-6 ATL, and very nearing the 100-point benchmark – Ramesh has little reason for concern with the average showing from his team. The New Jersey native continues to hold the tiebreak over Noah and Matt, as the 7-6 group becomes increasingly inflated. Waddle House can largely expect to hold the 3-seed, with a date arranged with Keshav’s carousel of running backs on the slate for the final week of the season. League fans be on notice, as another third iteration of the Nikhil Bowl may be on the horizon for the first week of the playoffs.

3. Ye Ole Double Trey Hotel (10-3)

Owner – Manoaj Kandiakounder

Last Week – #3

Quoting last week’s power rankings again – the remaining rivalry week games have been kind to Manoaj, with Ramanan and Matt left on the schedule. Freezing cold take there. Both Ramanan and Matt’s teams are alive as ever and looking to steal playoff spots from the upper echelon of the league. Manoaj got trap gamed, looking for an easy win against a struggling opponent who’d just lost his first-round pick. The 7-game winning streak was finally snapped – surviving the injury of Derrick Henry but lost in the absence of Jalen Hurts. Manoaj’s ship is slowly sinking, and our fellow scientist is bailing out water with a spoon. With Keenan Allen in COVID protocol, and Nick Sirianni riding the hot hand of Gardner Minshew, a late season roster shakeup is imminent. This team has toughed out some crazy injuries, so the level of Manoaj’s grit is unmatched. However how many setbacks is too many setbacks? The league may find an answer over the upcoming weeks.

4. mcKISSic MY bASS (7-6)

Owner – Noah Rickles

Last Week – #4

A sure win turned into a trap game for Noah, continuing his pitiful trend of road losses. This sets a perfect example illustrating that fantasy football is an incredibly vibes-heavy sport – as luck, trends, and superstitions run rampant. It’s crucial that Noah clinches a top-4 seed, getting a first-round home date against the likes of a Matt, or Ayush. However the trap game demons were out in full swing this week with by far the worst performances from Patrick Mahomes and James Robinson. As the success of this team largely hinges on Alvin Kamara’s health, we’ll likely get a glimpse of the full power of Noah’s team if and when the Saints reactivate their star RB. However for Noah, it’s better to shake off the pre-playoff jitters. The uphill battle to a top-4 playoff seed will continue against Matt’s superhot team in week 14.

5. This Justin: RIP Christian (7-6)

Owner – Matt Lord

Last Week – #8

Sam Darnold who?… Predicting timing for bounce back weeks continues to be a tricky pseudoscience especially for middle-of-the-pack teams. Matt indeed had one of the best weekly recoveries of the season, from a 2-9 ATL week 12, to a 9-2 ATL week 13. The key to this offense surprisingly stems from the consistent touchdown ability of James Connor. Gone are the days where we’d roast Matt for relying on the Panthers, scoring 128-points in a crucial rivalry week imbued with playoff implications – nonetheless on the Panthers bye week. However, as one roster hole closes, another one opens, revealed at the tight end position. With Darren Waller continuing to be day-to-day, the trade with Ramanan is looking increasingly lopsided. Another almost toss up week 14 matchup with Noah remains, one with significant playoff implications as 7-6 teams look to battle.

Award – Team of the Week

6. Score a TD Boston (6-7)

Owner – Nikhil Ramanan

Last Week – #6

Ask for wins, and you shall receive – Matthew Berry 7:7 (look up the biblical reference if you don’t understand). Ramanan’s team has been exceedingly difficult to predict in the latter stages of the season, and surprisingly has chained together three wins distancing himself from the consolation bracket, with creds to Keshav. The 6-7 pack, can be considered a no-man’s land with respect to the playoffs hunt, sandwiched between the 7-6 pack, and the 5-8 pack. This ratchets up the level of importance in winning the final week 14 matchup, with teams from below looking to take spots, and teams from above potentially exerting tiebreaker dominance if they lose. Unfortunately the road to the playoffs will not get any easier for Ramanan, playing fellow scientist Manoaj and hoping to control his own destiny.

7. Brady 4Ever (5-8)

Owner – Parth Patel, Amit Dommeti

Last Week – #8

The word dangerous is an understatement. The upstart dual owners continue to alert the league – as one of the hottest scoring teams from the past 3 weeks followed up on the monumental upset of the 1-seed with a 10-1 ATL pièce de resistance. Team record is the only detriment from a playoff run, scoring the most points for of all teams in the consolation bracket picture, and standing fourth in the respective stat. The most disrespected team in the league still has a chance to make the playoffs and improve its record. In the final week, they look for a road win against a struggling Arpan – for what will likely be a win-and-in scenario for either team. It will be a true test of consistency if Parth and Amit can back up their swagger for a third straight week and look to put teams on upset watch going into the playoffs.

8. Ayush Football Team (6-7)

Owner – Ayush Jha

Last Week – #5

Ayush sadly faces a desperate and mostly unsolvable problem going down the stretch in the season – finding competent and consistent RB play. Not compared to the elephantine problem facing Keshav at the bottom of the standings, back to back 0-11 ATL scoring and sub-70 performances will not yield playoff performances. Continuing with a 4-game skid will not carry any momentum into the playoffs, as the last resort to stay afloat in a crowded middle-to-lower tier of the league is a promising point scored tiebreaker. With a lower playoff seed already imminent, Ayush faces likely the toughest week 14 test, playing the inevitable 1-seeded team, likely resulting in a drop to 6-8 and screwing over some bottom feeder teams looking to fight their way into the playoffs.

Award – Deep Throat of the Week

9. Gay Rights (6-7)

Owner – Arpan Bhavsar

Last Week – #10

Life is extremely resilient – it can be found at the deepest depths of the sea, highest levels in the atmosphere, on dry lake beds and deserted sandy beaches. As a collective league, this team has been deemed in the dying process, despite being on a suspect 3-game winning streak. Arpan now finds himself in the thick of the playoff hunt, looking to claim the 6,7,or 8 seeds in the playoff and continuing to ride a wave of momentum into the final game of the season. Arpan may have the largest testicles of all owners in the entire league, playing first-time starting QB (this season) Taysom Hill against one of the toughest D/STs in the league with the Dallas Cowboys – doing it successfully from a fantasy perspective. A playoff outlook is not completely bleak with a road date against Parth and Amit with a playoff seed on the line.

10. Foster the Peoples-Jones (5-8)

Owner – Chinmay Kulkarni

Last Week – #11

Team morale has been at an all time low over the past few weeks. Losing three straight weeks, staying out of the 100+ point promised land, Chinmay was trending in the wrong direction for the past month in the most crucial part of the season. So, when this week 12 victory against a playoff favorite and rival Noah came, it was the perfect storm. Quite an impressive victory for a struggling team with the surprise breakout of Sony Michel, and the Cowboys D/ST continuing to exert dominance. This team may not have the remaining juice to make the playoffs but looks to fight for the 9^th spot against Vikas in the final week of the season. A back-to-back against Vikas may be imminent.

Award – Nikhil Ramesh D/ST of the Week

11. Cook out (5-8)

Owner – Keshav Ravi

Last Week – #9

It’s extremely surprising that a team with a backfield fantasy output of 1 point was able to score 90+ points this week and subsequently not be 0-11 ATL. The name Ronald Jones is not a household name, especially when it comes to fantasy football success. In fact, a quick Google search was necessary for my own sanity to confirm that the veteran back was still a member of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Low and behold he is, and his performance this week was sabotaged by the circus-freak ageless wonder that is Tom Brady who threw the ball 51 times against a porous Falcons D/ST. The up and comer status of the Cook Out from the midseason is long gone, seemingly losing all semblance of direction as they walk the barren deserted road leading the consolation bracket. As the Vikings are on a short week after the debacle in Detroit, the absence of Dalvin Cook will likely mean starting further Mr.Irrelevants in the backfield.

Award – Dumpster Fire of the Week

12. I Lost the Chase (2-11)

Owner – Vikas Molleti

Last Week – #12

Just as Vikas lost the Chase, this week’s loss has locked Vikas into the 12-seed of the consolation bracket and ‘in theory’ most likely to be in the punishment seat. However, we all know that Vikas has the best team on paper in the bottom 4. The Florida Man has a final week 14 matchup with Chinmay, posing an interesting back-to-back scenario for the first round of the playoffs. With Aaron Jones returning from a bye-week, high ankle sprain for Adam Thielen, and the inconsistent play from OBJ (facing the tough Arizona D/ST), all bets are off the table with respect to how to predict team output. However, one thing is for certain, Vikas will not be punished.