Writer’s Note: Shoutout to Ramesh for win percentages for each matchup. This is supposed to be like the ESPN win percentage that you might with respect to any sporting event. Check at the bottom of the page.
1. 2 Girls 1 Kupp (11-1)
Owner – Satwik Nandala, Vivaan Patel
Last Week – #1
As I mentioned last week, the expectations were far too high on the season, as we finally realized this this team is leagues above the rest of the competition. It’s better to get this loss out of the way, as this squad has not been under-.500 ATL since week 6 of the regular season. As the likely 1-seed in the playoffs and championship favorite, the dual owners finally got smoked by a lack of shitty takes in the messenger chat – not barring Satwik’s dumpster fire of a twitter account. Two easier rivalry week matchups in the coming weeks should realign this team back in the right direction.
Award – Nikhil Ramesh D/ST of the Week
2. Waddle House (7-5)
Owner – Nikhil Ramesh
Last Week – #3
A bonafide threat to the throne wins his 3rd straight game against the worst team by record in the league. Everything is clicking for Ramesh, going 9-2 and 11-0 ATL in the past two weeks, and peaking at exactly the right time to carry momentum through the playoffs. The Bengals look like they’ve recaptured lightning in a bottle with Joe Mixon, the Bills are back and playing inspired football as they look to reclaim the 1st seed in the AFC East, and Jaylen Waddle may be proving the draft haters wrong by finally having a breakout game that he can Waddle home to. Ramesh will likely be extending his streak to 4 games in week 13 of the season in the annual Rivalry week edition of the Nikhil Bowl, one that Ramesh has dominated historically.
Award – Top Score of the Week
3. Ye Ole Double Trey Hotel (10-2)
Owner – Manoaj Kandiakounder
Last Week – #2
Arpan may have some pussy wins, but it pales in comparison to Manoaj, who probably leads the league in this category. Week 12 was no different, with a 1-10 ATL win against Ayush in what could be a pivotal game with playoff seeding implications. Fortunately, pussy wins mean absolutely nothing when it comes to the monstrous 10-2 record and 7-game win streak that Manoaj has crafted, whether dirty wins or not. With an outside chance to claim the number one seed if the top team drops yet another game, the remaining rivalry week games have been kind to Manoaj, with Ramanan and Matt left on the schedule. With both of those games projected as wins, a potential first round playoff game against Keshav, or Ramanan may spur this team into championship contention.
4. mcKISSic MY bASS (7-5)
Owner – Noah Rickles
Last Week – #6
Entering the true upper echelon of teams in the standings just eluded Noah for the entire season. And though he’s been thoroughly leapfrogged by Ramesh, a more dangerous team, consistency has been a major problem for the native Saints fan going 9-2, 0-11, and 9-2 over the past 3 weeks. With respect to roster construction, instead of opting for players on good teams, he has built most of his roster from some of the best players on some pretty shitty teams – likely contributing to some of the inconsistent play. Fortunately, Noah plays Chinmay in a Former Roommate Rivalry week matchup, and one that should be counted as a win.
5. Ayush Football Team (6-6)
Owner – Ayush Jha
Last Week – #4
While some teams are streaking in the right directions, chaining win after win, Ayush stands at the other end of the spectrum, with 3-straight losses and going 0-11 ATL in week 12. The success of Lamar Jackson and Najee Harris directly impact the success of this team, as depth on Ayush’s team is not a strong suit leading to extremely inconsistent scores. Though bye weeks and injuries have contributed to recent struggles, some evident holes still remain on this team especially at the flex position. Likely projecting as a middle seed in the playoffs, a little bit of luck may catapult Ayush into the second round of the playoffs.
6. Score a TD Boston (5-7)
Owner – Nikhil Ramanan
Last Week – #8
Ramanan got bailed the fuck out by Leonard Four-nette this week, as a largely average scoring week for most of the team was kept afloat in the win column by an inspiring performance from the Tampa running back. Again, as a team squarely in the playoff race, pressure from above and below in the standings may be too much to bear, especially with two extremely tough matchups in the last two weeks of the season against playoff favorite teams in Ramesh and Manoaj. Van Jefferson may be the key to a playoff berth for Ramanan, and a benching of his first round pick my be inevitable as a lateral thinking approach might be applied to roster makeup as the season comes to a close.
7. Brady 4Ever (4-8)
Owner – Parth Patel, Amit Dommeti
Last Week – #11
David finally beat Goliath, as Parth and Amit attempt to ride the wave of momentum that put the league on watch, while trying to make the final playoff push. Unfortunately, this team finds itself on the wrong side of the playoff chase, likely needing to win outright to make the playoffs. However, one thing that may go unnoticed is a tiebreaker over the fellow bottom seeded teams, a crucial point in making a bottom playoff seed. Don’t be surprised if we see a playoff sighting from this team, but if all else fails they should stay out of the punishment.
Award – Team of the Week
8. This Justin: RIP Christian (6-6)
Owner – Matt Lord
Last Week – #5
Matt has a lot to give thanks to during Thanksgiving, notably the play of Christian McCaffrey. Though the Panthers star RB may be finished for the season, Matt should still be thankful that over the past 3-ish weeks, McCaffrey’s play has catapulted him into a mid-tier playoff seed, and squarely should not fear falling into the consolation bracket. We left this team for dead in the earlier part of the season, and Matt has conquered the odds and may make the playoffs?! Though I don’t project any semblance of playoff success, Matt can rest easy knowing that his streak of being in the playoffs likely won’t be broken.
Award – Dumpster Fire of the Week
9. Cook out (5-7)
Owner – Keshav Ravi
Last Week – #7
This has been a rollercoaster season for the New Jersey native, having winning and losing streaks of 3-games throughout the season. Unfortunately the momentum has not been there in the endgame of the regular season, losing his second straight game against Noah’s definitely mortal team, and scheduling a tougher rivalry week matchup against Parth/Amit’s team sailing on a tailwind and coming off an extremely gritty win. The schedule has not been kind to Keshav, looking at a week 14 matchup against Ramesh, projecting a loss. The fact remains, Keshav is currently in the thick of the playoff race, and 4-straight losses may slide this team into the 9-seed and a potential tough first round against Vikas. This may be high speculation, but the outlook is not healthy for a playoff appearance.
10. Gay Rights (5-7)
Owner – Arpan Bhavsar
Last Week – #10
Pussy wins continue for Arpan, having a sub-.500 ATL over the past two wins, but winning both of those weeks. Arpan is currently stands squarely in the hunt looking to win potentially 2-straight games to clinch a playoff berth. The problem with this team lies in the Points For category, not holding the tiebreaker over any of the fellow 5-7 teams, and may get snubbed from playoff contention if the other 5-7 teams keep winning. Fortunately for Arpan, either the inevitable poor play from Keshav or Ramanan will somehow shovel him into the 8-seed, as one of the luckier teams in the league will somehow grit it out and find a way. This will be no easy task, facing Ayush in a roommate rivalry week matchup that will surely make a house divided.
11. Foster the Peoples-Jones (4-8)
Owner – Chinmay Kulkarni
Last Week – #9
Steven Spielberg, Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt, Chinmay Kulkarni. An elite list of people that break the 4th wall. MY TEAM SUCKS. I don’t know if I had DK Metcalf derangement syndrome, I don’t know why I drafted Donovan Peoples-Jones, the fact of the matter still stands that my team is definitely the worst team in the league. I should be dead last in the league, and have been in the wooden spoon position for ATL and points scored for literally forever. Week 12 was a true heartbreaker, projecting a 60+ percent chance of winning against fellow ECE mate Arpan into MNF, and then having DK Metcalf committing highway robbery of points as Arpan built up his points total to finish with a win. A heartbreaking loss, an extremely slim chance at the playoffs, my team is a favorite for the punishment seat.
12. I Lost the Chase (2-10)
Owner – Vikas Molleti
Last Week – #12
The worst and unluckiest team in the league lost the ‘EDM concert goers’ rivalry week as Vikas’ playoff chances are dead and most likely to be the shoe-in for the last seed in the league. Vikas continues to do something that no other team in the league has ever managed do to – having a reasonable ATL that SHOULD manage to get into the playoffs while getting absolutely getting decimated each and every week. Fortunately, Vikas is likely the team in the consolation bracket that nobody wants to play, so we should expect this team to stay out of the punishment seat. Week 13 calls for Vikas playing the best team in the league. I don’t know if this was Vikas’ big brain strat since the beginning of the season to schedule his rivalry week against a team coming off a crippling loss, but it still doesn’t help his chances on getting a 10 or 11 seed.
Award – Deep Throat of the Week
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