Blood Pressure Blog

---

1. 2 Girls 1 Kupp (4-0)

Easily the best team in the league continues the drak-nasty as Brooklyn D-Ekeler goes to the MET Gala and plays Pool with Peyton May-nning and his Red Solo Kupp. The dual threat owners won the day and the week as we learnt that a Ronald McDonald children’s meal is enough to turn Drake into a Hardman. Johnathan Failure turned his life around to become Johnathan Jailer to stuff Matt into the Hubbard like Harry Butker and the Prisoner or Marquise-kaban. The lone 4-0 team will continue to continue its dominance against Ramanan’s hot team.

Award – Team of the Week

---

2. DoubleTrey Hotel (3-1)

Out to Kansas City, where the DoubleTrey Hotel became the 4 Dee-sons Resort when Jalen Flirts with the staff by realizing that his Lav language is to be Helaire-ious. Manoaj made all the necessary adjustments after a week 3 roasting, to return from the Pitts of Hell and rejoin the broken winning streak. As the second ranked team in the league, few holes exist on this roster. Coupled with the one game ascension of Single-Trey Lance could make this one of the deepest teams in the league, Lockett’ed and loaded to make a deep winning run in the regular season and potentially the playoffs.

---

3. Gay Rights (3-1)

It’s pretty wild that Arpan named his team Gay Rights and proceeded to deliver a 143-point decimation on Ayush’s barely 60 point performance, earning him the deep throat of the week award. This matchup turned into a White Tee-shirt contest real-quick when Amari Boober drove Ayush through the Car-wash, and Travis Scott almost Fanted when he couldn’t find the Ant-Tua-dote. Consistency has been a major problem for this team up till week 4, scoring two 140+ point explosions, coupled with 2 sub-100 point lackluster weeks. It’s impossible to predict Schrödinger’s Team in Week 5, looking to notch another win, this time against Parth and Amit.

Award – Top Score Award

---

4. Score a TD Boston (3-1)

Ramanan’s team moves into the frisky category with a week 4 win to become 3-1 on the season. Saquon Sparkly made miracles come true and proved that you don’t have to be a God-fearing Rock to lead a Fuller-life. And speaking of leading a Fuller-life let me be the first to wish you a happy “Will Fuller is once again injured” day. Ramanan has somehow managed to turn a 3-1 record, while scoring one of the lowest points in the league. Will his luck turn in week 5 as Travis Scott tries to Dropkick the Murphys back to Boston.

---

5. This Justin: I Love Carolina (3-1)

Matt Lord turned into Matt Poore this week with an unlucky 100+ point loss to the best team in the league. This 3-1 group has yet to run into any adversity, till this week when they got caught doing Nyheim Lines in the powder-room with Wall-Street bros. Though the Denver D/ST may favor the light air of Nyile-high, it might be time to move Von and pick up another defensive unit. Matt still manages one of the premier teams in the league, and though they have the same record as the Carolina Panthers, Matt will look to Chubba his Hubbard in Week 5 at the Cook out.  

---

6. Travis Scott (3-1)

Deep-throat of the week goes to one of the best teams in the league through the start of the season. The stock on this team hit a snag as Mike Drill-iams and hit the price floor, as the Rugg pull Swiftly caused everyone to sell their Share-Schusters. Meanwhile out in the motherland, Bran-Don 2 flopped at box office forcing Shah Ruggs Khan into the financial emergency Ward. This team must get its act together for week 5 as Ayush plays Chinmay’s team with gained momentum, which projects to be a very even matchup.

Award – Dumpster Fire of the Week/Deep Throat of the Week

---

7. mcKISSic MY bASS (2-2)

First of all, let me be the first to wish you a happy spooky szn. Pat-Trick or Treat Mahomes was Robbin-all-the-sons with a Glutton for Pollard greens. Lark Andrews was almost caught with a Bass in his mouth when Ramesh was firing Callaways at the Moon, but in the end it was too late, as Noah Cooked up his second win like the Rickles family on the second day of Hannukah. Can Noah keep the momentum going? This team looks ahead to study for a J.D as they try to Court-marshall Odellta Airlines in week 5.

---

8. Foster the Peoples-Jones (2-2)

Chinmay was clowned on during weeks 2 and 3. They thought this team was Sick, they thought this team was a joke. Now, Chinmay has found himself 2 games out of last place, some winning momentum, and a potential formula of starting slightly above-average WR2s. Receiver duo of ‘Shit why is this DKcalf’, and ‘Noooo this is Patrick’ spurred the team to a respectable score, even though Teddy now has Bridge over Troubled Water with a potential concussion, breaking the 3-0 momentum that the Broncos had. This team’s success likely hinges directly on the health of the running back core, and will have teams screaming ‘Great Pres-Scott’ if he can put together consecutive wins.

---

9. Brady 4Ever (0-4)

Since the start of the season, I thought these guys put together a decent team. There has been a material change, I am wrong about being right about being wrong earlier, and have left the bandwagon. Parth and Amit have seemingly been Digging their own graves in what can only be described as World War Koo. Continued mismanagement on the wide receiver front has only gotten worse as A.J Green rots and turns Brown on the bench. Punter Renfrow has been whiling his time, as what is seemingly known that it is extremely difficult to come back from a 0-4 deficit and make the playoffs. Week 5 is a battle of the righteous as Ezekiel will look to make a statement against Gay Rights.  

---

10. Waddle House (1-3)

A regression to the mean for Ramesh in Week 4 as Joe Logan tried to throw punches and kicks against Noah, but was a Jacoby Liar to the entire Ramesh fanbase and got Mossed when he took the Bate. After last week’s routing of Chinmay, this team seemed to be Joshing around, and not taking their week 4 matchup seriously. As the sole 1-3 team in the league, Ramesh has now been leapfrogged by a few teams that are debatably inferior. A 100+ point scoring is still a promising sign pointing in the right direction, and will look to serve up a continental breakfast at the DoubleTrey Hotel in week 5.

---

11. Odellta Airlines (0-4)

The year is 2035, Odellta Airlines flight 727 is still lost. This 0-3 team looking to get a win on Chinmay’s struggling squad put the brakes on the playoff Chase and found themselves Thielen an 0-4 hole. Huge showings from the bench would have very likely sealed the victory for Vikas, but choices such as Odell Flex’em Jr in the starting lineup showed that Motor Mouth Molleti might have to upgrade the Staf-Ford to a Hig-Vee-6. I fully expect Vikas to reverse park (without the back up cam) the Lorry Davis into the starting lineup next week after a massive, almost 20 point explosion from the Jets WR. Odellta Airlines will look to finally go wheels up against Noah’s 2-2 middle of the pack team. An 0-4 team has never made the playoffs in the history of the league.

Award – Nikhil Ramesh D/ST of the Week

---

12. Cook out (0-4)

The Cookout lost a fight with Colonel Sanders in week 4, as Keshav’s squad slides to 0-4 and losing a matchup with a 100+ point score. Even Aaron Rodgers discount doublecheck couldn’t save this team from getting run over by a Dillion De-Vans. It’s going to take an invention from K.J. Oscorp to bring this team back from sewage depth to flying high and Vulturing TDs in the playoffs. Keshav has the odds to make the playoffs, yet 3 whole teams seemingly are trying to take a shot at last place. Cook Out is going to have to stay open well past 3AM because just keeping up with the Jones’ isn’t going to cut it in week 5. Currently this is the weakest roster of the 0-4 teams, so Hunt that waiver wire.