1. 2 Girls 1 Kupp (2-0)
Owner – Satwik Nandala, Vivaan Patel
Last Week – #2
2 Girls 1 Kupp is moving closer and closer to the climax, hanging massive points in this rivalry matchup of 2 owner teams. Johnathon Failure was the only player not looking like the first round pick that he should be, and MVP star studded candidates are showing that Murray is not a Djoke. People should be YOLOing their life savings into the Dallas Buyer’s Club, as this team has the depth to penetrate the Butker of all teams that they play. A clear early favorite for best team in the league will look to check in and clock out at the DoubleTrey Hotel in Week 3.
Award – Top Score Award
2. DoubleTrey Hotel (2-0)
Owner – Manoaj Kandiakounder
Last Week – #3
We go down to Hotel Kyleifornia, where Jalen “oh it Hurts so good” was taking shots in Trey-nidad at the expense of large Dingleberries. An extremely lopsided performance from players had Trey-s players above the 20 point threshold. But hold your horses, as Vikas and his team of NFC players almost Stole the show to make it an exceedingly close game on Monday night Football. As one of the better teams in the league, Week 3 will likely be an equally tough matchup, as the team must deal with Kupping szn.
3. Chad Team (2-0)
Owner – Ayush Jha
Last Week – #5
It’s obvious that whenever Jackson and Mahomes get together, you know there’s going to be some bad clock management just to Tik-Tok it’s way down to zero. A surprisingly great showing from Ayush in Week 2 with nearly all starters in double digits finds this team in the upper section of this week’s power rankings. A Penny Saved is a Penny earned and Mike-Will Made huge catch after huge catch while the Chargers went PuPu to the Cowboys as both teams end 1-1. This undefeated team is in the upper echelon of the league, as next week Ayush will show that he’s actually an American to Odellta Airlines.
4. This Justin: I Love Carolina (2-0)
Owner – Matt Lord
Last Week – #4
Down in Carolina, it was Missionary position all day as Christian sailed the blue seas Hunting for wins. Darren “I wish I was a little bit Waller” was Just-in to the Lobby of the Waddle House, asked for Sherbet, and then proceeded to get into a fist fight (just an average day). Is it too early to ask if the Panthers an actual good team? There seem to be no Ghoulds at Bank of America Stadium, and their lightish schedule continues against Mills Mafia and the Texans. As for this team, the Carolina Panthers and Sam fucking Darnold will Gage Matt’s team as worthy of not, and that’s not a statement I never thought I’d be writing.
5. Gay Rights (2-0)
Owner – Arpan Bhavsar
Last Week – #1
A Fant-asy start to the season when another great team in the league has a lower scoring affair while the opponent played an incompetent game. Arpan showed this week that winning ugly is still a valid way to win, as long you take all your three son’s and Boyds up to the top of the mountain and kick the competition down the Hill. This team might be looking for a back-up quarterback soon as Tua Taga-Cello broke his ribs which means he can probably suck his own dick (geez that’s Gay). Arpan Ships out to Boston in a winnable week 3 and the chance to continue the unbeaten season.
6. Brady 4Ever (0-2)
Owner – Parth Patel, Amit Dommeti
Last Week – #6
Potentially the unluckiest start of the season for this team, as a genuinely good roster has played the top 2 teams in the league. If I’m the owner of this team, I’m taking this team to the fantasy football HR, cause it’s going to take more than Toby Flhenderson for this league to Rob these Sons of wins and beat them down to 0-II. Unfortunately, another 2-0 team will be on the slate for week 3. This team should Gain-well in the latter stages of the season.
7. Score a TD Boston (1-1)
Owner – Nikhil Ramanan
Last Week – #12
Redemption week came early for Ramanan as Calvin-Klein Ridley and Saquon Blakely Spanxed Keshav back to the Fuller House where he came from. And in a touching tribute to all the people of Carolina that were slaughtered in a Panther attack last week on the field, Ramanan hit Keshav over the head and went “Gronk, go to horny jail”. The almighty battle between God Wins and Ryan Satan-hill continues to rage on, and, as a slight overreaction, the absolute train of Yo Gano El Drafto elevated this team to massive heights even before Sunday football was about to start. Can Ranaman keep it up in week 3 when we determine whether God allows BLT rights.
Award – Team of the Week
8. Foster the Peoples-Jones (1-1)
Owner – Chinmay Kulkarni
Last Week – #7
Week 2 was a Cole world from the start, as an Anthony Schworgasbord of injuries to Raheem Must Start turned him into Raheem Bust start and Mosh Jacobs “Let the bodies hit the floor” gracing the hospital pass and shredding all semblance of backfield depth on this team. The worst performance of the week and the lowest score of the season mean that this team might be infringing into the first fraud team of the season. Personally, owning this team makes me feel Ge-sickly to my stomach, but it’s going to take more than a Measley performance to put this team Dak in the playoffs.
Award – Dumpster Fire of the Week/Deep Throat of the Week
9. Odellta Airlines (0-2)
Owner – Vikas Molleti
Last Week – #9
Last week, Odellta Airlines had an emergency landing. This week, the vacation continues as Vikas checked into the DoubleTrey Hotel. HoLawday szn unfortunately came to a grinding halt, as the entire team got a Staff-infection and was Chased off hotel premises. Good for them though, there continue to be no hard Thielens between Vikas and Manoaj, while this team nearly came all the way back from Davy Jones Locker and stole the win in what would have been one of the greatest comeback stories in league history. With one of the best WR groups in the league, I expect the tides to turn and smooth flying at Odellta Airlines. Vacation Szn continues for Vikas as flies to Africa in week 3 to play the Chad team.
10. Waddle House (0-2)
Owner – Nikhil Ramesh
Last Week – #8
Up in our nation’s capital, the former R-words and the Terr-annosaurus Rex laid waste to the New York Football Giants as the city that never sleeps now has to Waddle in their own pity. But it wasn’t all fun and games on this team – Kirk Cousins Mixed up the Cardinals D/ST, while Gaskin Robbins and the Dolphins might as well has settled for bankruptcy. Waddle House does not get better with Jacoby Brisset at the helm in Miami. This team deserves to be 0-2, but will the Adams family allow them to escape from the haunted 9th seed? I think Ramesh will be a competitive out and might even make the playoffs, but next week has a huge rivalry week-esque matchup against a man of the People.
11. mcKISSic MY bASS (0-2)
Owner – Noah Rickles
Last Week – #11
Noah clicked “Hot Rushing Singles in your area” as this guy gets the biggest clickbait of the week by using a third of his waiver wire budget on a 49ers running back who, shocker, could not stay healthy for a half of football. The pain doesn’t really stop there. The highest scoring bench this week probably would’ve given this team a chance to win, but instead Noah had those paper hands when Pittcoin went to the Moon. Will this team ever make the correct decisions to finally win a game? Next week is a matchup against a winnable team as this team leaves for dinner at Cook Out.
Award – Clickbait of the Week
12. Cook out (0-2)
Owner – Keshav Ravi
Last Week – #10
Runner up to clickbait of the week checking in here, where Antonio Brown got Cooked, boiled, and placed in a Campbell’s can by the VICIOUS Falcons secondary. It’s a pretty rare sight to see a D/ST carry a team’s point here, which is exactly why this team lost, with several low scoring players in single digits. This week, we learnt that Lasik doesn’t travel and Aaron Rodgers discount double check-downed his way up and down in the Frooooooooozozzzeeen Tundra. The Cook out had an ok scoring week, but the southern restaurant establishment might need to think big and expand to Parris for any future Wins.
Award – Nikhil Ramesh D/ST of the Week
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