Blood Pressure Blog

In the spirit of harping on the past, Taylor Swift has taken us all back to middle school square dance practice with her old “new” release of an old song, titled Love Story. If Kanye made us “miss the old Kanye” I truly miss the old Taylor. Unfortunately for her, grown-up and semi-mature adult me has deduced the lyrics in this song make absolutely no sense. Furthermore, I don’t actually think Taylor knows what love really is.

The lyrics are as follows –

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet”
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, “Please don’t go,”.

Is it too early to ask whether Taylor Swift hates education? Back in the times of Shakespeare, if you as much as placed a finger on someone they sentenced you to death by something dumb like the Spanish Inquisition… so throwing pebbles seems like the sort of childish plaything that would probably get you tried as a witch. Also if I were a girl and some dude was throwing rocks at my face I would promptly tell him to jump off his balcony.

Does Taylor understand that SHE is actually Juliet in this case? Why would HER “daddy [say] ‘Stay away from Juliet’”? Seems like a real conundrum, and frankly this seems like the sort of self-confused shit that someone comes up with when they are literally straddling the line between pop music and country.

‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet”
But you were everything to me
I was begging you, “Please don’t go,” and I said

I’m convinced that Taylor Swift was actually a cross between a horse girl and literature nerd in high school. Is she saying that she was having an affair? Is she saying that she secretly wants to live in the 1850s? Taylor Swift seems like the type of girl you’d probably meet at the renaissance fair and she’d be SUPER into whatever milkmaid ass role she was given.

If Taylor Swift really wants a Romeo and Juliet type of relationship, I’d like to remind her that both of them end up dead in potentially the corniest and tourist trappy way possible. William Shakespeare was not only a good playwright, but also a damn good businessman, because if he can make me go to a tiny picturesque Italian town to stare at a balcony for a fee, then he’s post-mostly came back from the dead like as if Andrew Carnegie tried to run the Pittsburgh Steelers organization with child labor.

But actually though this song is kinda fire…