Blood Pressure Blog

Athletes are some of the wealthiest individuals on the planet, using their wealth and status to send meaningful messages about social justice, voting, etc. But equally as athletes do amazing things for communities, quite often they fuck up in the public eye at unimaginable scales. Thus far, the month of September has seen athlete blunders fit to make quite the blooper reel. With some much-needed PR 101, these are my personal favorite athlete bungles happening within the past few weeks.

Novak Djokovic

Tennis’ biggest asshole and my personal GOAT is back at it again with some much-needed help. This time, Novaxx channelled his inner 5-year old girl and threw a hissy fit on the court by throat punching a linesman with a tennis ball. This resulted in his immediate disqualification from the match, resulting in #20-seed Pablo Carreño Busta to advance to the next round. Adding insult to injury, Djokovic was not awarded any ATP points – points players get for winning professional matches – for any of his US Open wins. 

A positive that occurred is that Djokovic did not commit a tennis felony on purpose, clearly apologetic after the accident and taking to his 13 different social media platforms to apologize in both English and Serbian. The linesperson meanwhile puts on an Oscar-worthy winning flop on the tennis court as if she got hit by 360 no-scope while Thanos in the corner whispers “you should have gone for the head”. It’s so fucking obvious that this lady wants to just milk as much insurance money out of Djokovic as possible, and honestly, what’s more American than that?

For every shitty PR stunt, there’s always a spin zone. This time, it involves US Open publicity. With NBA, NFL, NHL, and other uses of the word national right now, the US Open has taken a major back seat on the sports pecking-order. However, with Djokovic’s antics on the tennis court, literally everyone, even people who’ve never held a tennis racquet in their lives, know that something only scripted in some Prince of Tennis bullshit tried to happen US Open. All press is good press, and if all of a sudden tennis is going to become a contact sport, it can finally raise from the depths of people “not giving a shit” to competing with other major sports in America. 

Odell Beckham

The girls from the No Jumper podcast are back at it again. Last time, they “finished” seven players on the Phoenix Suns, this time they come after Browns wide receiver, Odell Beckham. 

Before getting into the meat of what occured, the No Jumper Podcast is pretty much two girls flaming celebrities by putting their hoe-ery on display – literally making hundreds of thousands of dollars by flaunting their no-limits, literal balls to the wall approach of being a hoe. Although not a reputed source of information, I tip my hat to them for creating a cash grab opportunity that can only be considered the Robinhood of TMZ. This time, they invite their friend and fellow Insta-thot “Slim Danger”, who, to make this story spicier, happens to be Chief Keef’s baby mama. 

The long and short of this is that Odell Beckham Jr. likes when a girl poops on him. Odell texted Danger, asking her to take a video of her pooping on the toilet, and Danger responded, trying “to make it as sexy a possible”. If this story is really true, I have to give her Insta-model galaxy-brain mad props; I honestly don’t even know the logistics of making a sexy poop-selfie, much alone making the best of this shitty situation. Though Beckham Jr. went on his social media to state his claim that “this shit is krazy”, it doesn’t change the view of Browns’ fans and thousands of football fans in the US. For example, OBJ can only be considered a “wide receiver number 2” when drafting fantasy football teams. And even though Beckham is a pretty good leader, Browns fans want him to lead the Browns to the superbowl. 

Danuel House

The NBA bubble has largely been a resounding hit. Betterment in quality of play and lack of positive COVID tests has led to an excellent product and excellent ratings. However, when considering life within the bubble, there were certain questions – will the players find a plug, will players be able to sneak in girls, how many times will JR Smith walk around Henny drunk? NBA players as a group, competing with European soccer players for title of most horny athletes, answered one of those questions this week. 

Danuel House, forward for the Houston Rockets, took home the title of most angsty guy in the bubble by trying to sneak a girl into his room. However, this wasn’t just some floozy off the street, but a COVID-tester, whose professional job is to test and report COVID tests of the players. 

The only logical step for this lady, while the iron is hot, is to go on the No Jumper Podcast to be the only educated person behind that mic to share what really goes down in the bubble. House on the other hand, has a wife and kids, so maybe he was trying to make a different sort of test positive…?

The NBA pretty much pulled the rug on House and the entire Houston Rockets team by launching a full-scale investigation into his actions and not allowing him to play for the forseeable future in the Rockets remaining games. Personally, if I ran the bubble, I would have maintained protocol and continued with the NBA’s ongoing fining addiction and just hit him withthat. But apparently, the NBA has some sort of personal vendetta against the Rockets and the sort of unconventional basketball that they play, so I sense foul play.